one year and counting...

She has been growing so fast it's amazing; I am looking back at the pictures from earlier posts and I can't believe how different she is. She is officially 1 now; we had a small birthday party for her on the 27th; her actual birthday (the 21st) was pretty quiet, just sharing a cupcake with Mom and Dad at home. The 27th was a much bigger party, and she had a great time. I made her my favorite tropical carrot cake with pineapple, coconut, macadamia and ginger. It takes several days to make, but it's fabulous. She got lots of new clothes, some new books and toys and some crayons. She is actually drawing a bit now; I have saved her first drawings. She knows how to hold a crayon and make marks on the paper. It's really pretty cool to watch. As if on cue, she started really crawling at her birthday party; not just doing the military crawl thing. We did get the gates installed finally; she isn't super fast, but she is very determined. She has been pulling herself up to standing a lot lately too; I'm sure she'll be walking in a few weeks.

On a side note, I had a cold briefly, but now I have a nagging terrible cough that won't go away that is really starting to annoy me. I feel like it itches every time I breathe in. I think it might be allergy related, but either way, it's getting on my nerves. I don't know why I felt a need to post that, but there it is.

Her birthday was a bit emotional for me; I can't believe how much I've learned in a year. I remember being so sad and depressed, and having everyone telling me that I should enjoy all these precious little moments. When everyone is telling you that it gets better but you feel like it never will. I remember crying one night after being so frustrated by breastfeeding problems and saying to Marc that she deserved someone better than me for a mom; someone who was more patient and loving and understanding; someone who didn't get frustrated and angry and insecure. While I still have my moments, I'd like to think now that I have grown into that person a bit more; that I have in some way become the parent she deserves. I try to be every day. It really has gone quickly; I find that she is so much more fun to be around now; we really play and laugh together and I really enjoy our time together, rather than me focusing all the time on immediate needs like hunger and sleep. But it's always changing; just when you think you've figured it out, something new comes up. Its an ongoing process. I am truly thankful for the GBMC mom's group; It has made a huge difference for me; I have met so many great people and gotten so much support and advice; I don't know what I would have done without it. I tell every pregnant woman I see to go and find a Mom's group and talk to people. We have an online group so everyone can stay in touch and post events and questions, it keeps me connected even when I'm working. It's great; I am very thankful to have it.

This weekend is John and Mary tyler's wedding reception at Sue and George's, so Olive will get to see the whole Raley family again. She loves a crowd. She's just a charmer like that. Its supposed to be nearly 100 degrees. Yikes.

So, that's what's been going on here! More later....